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moi** ----------------------------------------------------------------- when you're alone and the world seems to hurry just listen to the music of the city and linger on the sidewalk. |
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mon ami maudy :: hilda :: nana :: ipunk :: nita :: anita viva la resistance ripcons :: kunci :: google :: designiskinky :: imdb :: BBC :: to next page :: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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irvineprisilia** wondering around books, music, and movies trying to capture the world on her tiny spinning mind. *read on : Siddharta - Herman Hesse :: Manual of the warrior of light - paolo coelho *still on the moves of : shower *put some ears on : kill bill vol2 soundtrack *high : having my best friends around me *low : a job please... *wishing for : some patient over this madness
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things of me
TEN random things
that related with me:
TWO things I am
trying not to do right now: saturday29jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- poskota while the whole family reads Kompas, my mom prefers to read Poskota. i usually put a big laugh and a bit shame on my mom's newspaper choice. i mean, it's a rainbow and colorful newspaper, with cheesy headlines and unstructured language. BUT! i changed my mind, now i think Poskota as one of the most representative information media of Jakarta. Poskota readers mostly are public transportation or truck drivers, city slickers, street traders, or those kinds. that put poskota into a low class newspaper segmentation. poskota issues are divided into national spread news, local jakarta news ( mostly are criminals or rapes), comic strips that are so low class jakarta (like, ali oncom a low class youth figure who always turns to be a poor but "try so hard into style" playboy; ucha, just another boy who always run out of money and being a joke for his girlfriend, rina. otoy who still be a parasite to his babeh with his son, cungkring and last not least doyok, who speaks about political issue in satire humors. believe me, i learnt reading thru poskota "used to be" colored comic with its character : TOING!) pages that contains small box advertisments (mostly about auto trades, house and property advertisment). and the most phenomenal "NAH INI DIA" part! reading Poskota means reading Jakarta's nudity. poskota pictures jakarta so clear with no pretends or artificial make-up. there's no utopia dream about Jakarta in poskota, it always simply shows us criminals like a son kills his father because of money, a maid being tortured and tormented because of her clumsiness, a fight over a ride between tukang ojek, motorcycles or cars stolen everyday, or rapes like an uncle to his niece, a step father to step daughter, a teacher to his own students. sick, you may say, but that's jakarta, our city, or at least mine. poskota besides just exposing jakarta's nudity, it always tries to put some education to level up their readers with their capacity, like somehow there's always be an implicit moral message from it's "NAH INI DIA" , though the message seems so simple like "jangan mao enaknya aja dong!udah hamil ditinggalin! kalo mao makan nangka, mao juga kena getahnya!" maybe that words don't hit you, because supermarket already sell a clean jackfruit, but low class people mostly eat a whole jackfruit. the message becomes so clear to them. and just like any other homo jakartaensis needs, poskota also provides some city entertainment taking places with its schedule and places (mostly are dangdut). and also some "not too much gossiping" but just the essence of what a celebrity (both domestic or overseas) says. to read poskota means to always have a balance in this city. jakarta is not only kemang with its irresistible promenade cafes and stores, pondok indah with its most beautiful, well architectured houses, gold triangle area with its "so new york" skyscrapers, malls and plazas with its "branded" goods, but also overcrowded slums that demand you to be a "homo homini lupus" or else you'll be beaten. welcome to jakarta, and be please to be homo jakartaensis with ambivalences and paradox lives, dont ever say just say "yes" or "no" because this city is so faking you. friday28jan05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
God, it is You i can ask... dear God, once he was double-crossed and then came twice, worse. dear God, once he built his dream, currency failed him. dear God, once he reached a steady and almost perfect life, then unexpectedly failed. dear God, after all he forgets his dream. dear God, now he has to take all the burden. dear God, it is pain inside his smile and life. dear God, he's just get enough. dear God, just make him trace your heart, cause it is hard to trace the way... dear God, i am here if you need a device, just help him out, please... dear God, i'll be just patient here. AMEN. tuesday25jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- o brother, how i love thou! This morning i was dropped in by ito, my best friend since we were in junior high. we've passed many times together and remembering our old times always puts smile on my face. we used to play basket ball on my yard and he used to fit my clothes. we used to go out together when we were singles (well, still i am). he used to be angry at me when i cut my hair by myself or when i cut my nails with cutter. talked over many nights, giving advices each other, and he always be on my emergency call. i just love this young man so much. and how wonderful today was, after not have a long time conversation for almost a year, finally we had our time together. i really know how much this young man fights for his dream and as i see he's been a very mature person than he was ever before. one piece of our conversation is about "how bad a boy can be" and we believed that a boy can be as bad as you can think. a boy can smoke cigarettes, can pass classes, can do some cannabis, can go on motor tracks, can be a playboy, can interfere in a mob or a fight, can gamble, can go out till late at night. i remember how bad ito was in his younger time. his mom used to call me and sometimes asked me to go with him, just to keep eyes on him. Now, i also have another bad boy, my lil bro. and it is good to have a best young man friend like ito, cause he reminded me, that even a good man was ever be a bad boy. being a bad boy doesn't mean forever, and as the word "adolescent" means puberty, and puberty means having hormones raging so hard...so? everyman has chances to be a bad boy, or vice versa he's an angel. one thing comes from ito, as an oldest child from his Chinese and Moslem -which is very patrimonial- family who has a younger brother and sister : "you always have to remind your siblings heart to heart all the time, that you're the oldest, the one who'll be responsible for them if something happen to your parent". and what i keep is, how he loves to take the responsibilty as an older brother. And that's what i learnt today from a best friend. tuesday25jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- will it be hard? yesterday i was thinking, what if i didn't turn on my computer for a week? i tots that i am addicted too much to my computer, and it will be weird if i dont push the on button every time i get into my room. well, too much something is never be good, isn't it? and like heaven heard my tots, my friend called, his monitor was screwed, and he needs to borrow my monitor to finish his presentation for his testimonial day. so...i think, i will say good bye for 2 days with this babe... i am kind of afraid though to know that i am attached too much with this computer. monday24jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- see how we grow, my friend. my best friend is starting her new relationship. after stuck together and over indulge with the same person for 4 years. tears, cry, pain and happiness were taking place at the same time. confusion and perplex mind is her biggest fear now. guilty feeling is what she has now. is her late relationship was bad, so she feel that this new relationship is so good? was her late boyfriend not as good as her new one? well, the only answer i can give is, you're growing my friend. you're changing cause you take step forward. you're not stagnant. it is like when you take a look at your piece of work in the past time and you can laugh or feel so ashamed about that work. why? because you are having your self improved and so do your works. so my friend, it is not wrong at all to smile as big as you can, to laugh and to enjoy your new relationship. it is just the way it should be. 23jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- teenlit few weeks ago, my sister showed me a diskette contained of her friend's 80pages writing. i was quite surprised since her friend is a second grade high school student. then i started to read her writing, and i can say what was written there is what people today categorized as teenlit. story that tells about metropolis city teenagers' lives. i was never paying any attention towards that kind of book though. as i remember, those chicklit or teenlit books were booming just 2 years ago. in which the books tell about city independent women's lives. with their own problem with money, work, friends, family and the most favorite thing over all is their love life. hence, those kind of books were inspiring some teenagers in Jakarta. and as i read one of the story of "asli indonesia" teenlit, i found that those teenage writers are having a good sense. good sense to understand what market like. market that like to take part in crowd. market that like to dream, and taste some happiness and bitterness of other people. market that like to have their role model of their life. market that like to draw their image into character. and market that like to have an easy and instant life. i celebrate the rise of Indonesian writers especially to those teenlit or chicklit or whatever that we call mainstream writers. but as i always have pity on is their books are way too fast to come. in my opinion good books are those which you can feel the soul and heart of the writers. those which came up from long way process. because sometimes i see that those books forget about details*which i believed come from a specific research or deep look* but, once again i praise those writers who already, at least make something. 22jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- nature shall not hate nor love one day, we were wondering, why a massive power of earth, could destroy human beings in seconds count. yes, i am talking about tsunami, the quake that annihilated thousands of people in south east Asia and specially in nad. some people asking : Why God? Why?, keep asking and we'll imitate homer simpson. of course i agree with what maudy said, you just cannot ask for a better God. it is ourselves. others blamed it on earth, said that it was the earth that angry and warned people. well, whatever the questions go, just don't blame the power beyond us, it was not the earth that warned us, it is not God that played his own ruled game. it is about us. once, Empedocles an ancient Greek philosopher said : 2 powers that work on earth which made the 4 roots (water, fire, air and earth) universe is LOVE AND HATE. Love will entwine everything and hate will separate everything. from ancient Chinese, which is believed as one of the oldest culture from east, we believe in balance system among people and nature. everything was nothing. listen carefully to the nature, and as what the core of Zen, when you see the earth, the earth sees you in the same way. so, do we love or hate our nature? say you love it, but why piles of garbage and sometimes hazardous waste found in our earth? when we easily throw out our waste on earth, so may earth do the same way, throw out its waste over us. people are certainly not the centre of the universe, stop being so humanist. and you may say, we cannot change the world, but we can change ourselves. stop put off cigarettes on ground, stop throw garbage, love the nature, and nature will love us in the same way. i really love this words from Sudjiwo Tedjo : Alam tidak membawa kejahatan, manusia saja yang bilang alam bencana, jangan menyalahkan alam. i completely agree. let's learn about cosmic, where balances are what we need. 20jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- holy matrimony just like every parent, my parent lately look so worry, seeing their 23years old daughter doesn't have any settle boyfriend. Their worry just grew bigger as they heard that my childhood friend who happens just to be one year older than me, will hold her wedding by september 2005, with a settled, mannered and prosperous boyfriend approved by her parent and family. well, i am also ear-tired to hear these questions come from aunties and uncles about who was the guy with me now or why i still stayed single or the worse, hearing them brought up the topic of my last relationship...sigh, it was 3years ago. here's the problem, i am not every woman. i cannot be not picky, you may say. i have a lot of considerations of a relationship. it is not a talk about trauma from my last relationship, but yes, i do learn from my late relationship. having a relationship does need both heart and mind, and as what my friend dimas said, the balance composition of both are 50 :50, and i agree. you may have someone who is good according to your mind, say s/he is your type, physically attractive to you, so nice to you, can understand you, can pamper you and will do anything for you. see, logically, those would make them a good match. but, reverse to what patty smith said "sometimes, mind just ain't enuff" what if you don't love that person? well, once again, only you who can feel love, but others can see the reality. and as what patty smith said "sometimes love just ain't enuff" if you love the person but they don't, there it goes one sided love. or love that need miracles. so... it would never be easy for me, i do believe in yin and yang, i do believe in soulmate, i do believe that someone, somewhere, somehow, is for me, both mind and heart. and that just some part of what come from inside me, what about those which come as the requirements from parents? i just hope bridals are getting much better in 10 years. 19jan05 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- what am i supposed to do about it? if i fall along the way, pick me up and dust me off. and if i get too tired to make it, be my breath so i can walk. if i need some other love, gimme more than i can stand. and when my smile gets old and faded, wait around i'll smile again. shouldn't be so complicated just hold me and then, just hold me again. can you help me i'm bent. i am so scared that i'll never get put back together. you're breaking me in and this is how we will end, with you and me bent. if i couldn't sleep, could you sleep? could you paint me better off? could you sympathize with my needs? i know you think i need a lot. i started out clean but i'm jaded, just phoning it in, just breaking the skin. start bending me, it's never enough. i feel all your pieces. start bending me until i'm completely broken in. shouldn't be so complicated just touch me and then, just touch me again. SHOULDN'T BE SO COMPLICATED.... 16jan05 |